I forgot

I said I'd show pics of the pelicans, and I forgot. it was a most amazing experience. Here's one now:


There was even, to my great surprise a very good looking and smart dude with the Audubon. However once I got back and internet researched (stalked) him, I found he has a girlfriend, and may be too young anyhow. poo. some day my prince will come. maybe. probably not. who needs the bastard anyway.

Tomorrow is gonna be a good day

Today, in my mind, is simply a place holder for tomorrow. a planning day, if you will. In the morning, at 6:45 actually, i'm hopping on an audubon society boat (i'm on a mothereffing boat!)bound for pelican land. actually i don't know where we're going. BUT when we get there we will be banding baby brown pelican chicks. i have been advised to wear old clothes in case they vomit or poo on me, and this doesn't sway my excitement one bit. they aren't even very cute:


However, when they are all growns up they are very beautiful:


So, there's that. i figure its going to be amazing, and hopefully i will have photos of myself covered in baby pelican poo and grinning stupidly regardless.

tomorrow evening i have peeps coming over to my house for the first time. for....a dildo party. bah! hahah. not yo' momma's tupperware party. i have no idea how i got talked into it, but i'm having a sex toy party where someone comes and shows us ladies the goods. being a foul minded foodie, i will be preparing many dick shaped delights for the occasion. fun! there will NOT be photos from that. pelican poo is one thing, plastic penises quite another.

should i stay or should i go

lately i'm feeling a very strong desire to move again. out of this town where everyone knows everyone, talks about everyone, etc. there aren't even any people that i could date because just about everyone is off limits in one way or another, or has already been to bed with half my girlfriends. out of this state where its brutally hot, and people think collards and okra are delicious. i don't know if its the normal mid summer blues (i cannot take these summers), but i just want to go back up north. closer to my family, closer to a city. i had already been sort of mulling this over last night, and this morning i had some classic rolling stones playing and could almost smell my time in boston.

for the first several years after college, i couldn't stand to stay in one place more than a year or two. one of those moves landed me here, in wilmington nc, where i accidentally got married/pregnant (you decide which was the bigger fuck up, but i'm saying the former)and have subsequently been stuck. Haven's dad and i get along ok. he is re-married, back in the 'burbs, living the life. a life that makes me want to barf, but its what you're supposed to want once you have a child. he's a good dad, and so i have squelched these desires to move for the last couple years, thinking i just can't do that to Haven. also, it'd mean less frequent but much longer visits with her dad, and i'm not sure i could handle that. but at some point shouldn't i have an enjoyable life too? happy mommy is a better mommy right? i want to move back to boston. or to NY. lots of kids are growing up in brooklyn these days, it doesn't have to be scary. either way i'd be 5-6 hours drive to my parents, which would be nice.

on the rational hand, i should just sit here until she's older. i should enjoy my little house, do my running, continue to get drunk and fuck around with my pious friends on my weekends off. i should buy a weedeater. but...forever? is this just IT?

complain!

I desperately wish to be pretty, thin, and stylish. Despite the fact that I've certainly managed to cultivate finer, more important points of good character, i really just wish i was hot. thing is, i lurve cooking and eating. really do. so thin is out. style? I'm a single mother. style is thus thwarted two fold: i can't afford nice things, and my daughter ruins any nice things i may have. por ejample, Haven likes to play this game where she's back in my stomach (she's damn near 4 yrs old). the game means she stretches out the front of my shirt and puts her head, neck and shoulders up under there and walks around that way whilst i try to accomplish the menial tasks that suck my life. end life of cute top, no? that leaves pretty. now, I'm not a dog or anything, i just happen to be the lucky recipient of every aesthetic fault God could have plucked from the genes available to fetus me. i got the "tranter nose" as my mom tells me, which is more like the beak on the face of a bird of prey. nobody seems to know where these unbelievably depressing jugs come from. I'm the only one in my family with boobs the size of Brazil. I'm big boned, and have awful hair. at 31, it seems i have a face on my wrinkles, rather than the other way around. le sigh. its hopeless.

at any rate, the news of my physical discontents behind us, i started a blog page this morning b/c a few of my friends have all sorts of exciting endeavors to document, and i want to follow them. not, as you might expect, because i have any exciting endeavors to speak of. things i may or may not "blog" about include running marathons (poorly), the sheer enormity of my body and the general floppiness of its parts, my beautiful daughter and the shit she says (the shit you say!), and the adventures of living in a house on my own for the first time (see also, i mowed the lawn and did not die). please note that although i will speak like i own the house, i do not, b/c i suck at life far too much to be a home owner. i rent it, which brings up another frequent topic of discourse, the fact that I'm eternally broke. and lastly, and these posts will be the most amusing to others i suspect, my holy quest for unattached booty. i was married once, i didn't really like it. whatever, i didn't. i don't want to live in the suburbs, and i want things to be my own way. sex is nice though, and i do wish someone else would mow the fucking lawn. FIN.